So I apologize in advance for not posting yesterday; I’m sure some of my multitude of fans wondered what happened when I got shot at by the Diablos. That bullet just missed my head by maybe an inch, I was paying more attention to my phone than what was going on across the street. But maybe one of my hidden super powers is mucho luck, I didn’t get hit or anything. I’ll have to remember to check if “luck” is one of my powers, it’d be a good one to have here and there.
Anyway, so after the bullet whizzed by me and missed, I did what any responsible superhero blogger would do. I published my post, then shoved my phone into my pocket and put up a force field. Waste of time, there weren’t any other shots. But I still felt better about it — I know everyone would. I took off from my perch straight up, hoping whomever was taking pot-shots at me that they’d think I was scrambling away. Which in a way was true, I wanted to get out of range. And one of the awesome benefits of being able to fly, I can go up-up-up in the air, but most non-powered gang members can’t. So I went up in the air out of range of gunshots, then sort of circled around to see if I could figure out the situation.
No luck there though (so maybe it’s not one of my powers). It was dead quiet afterward, other than the typical cat-knocking-over-a-garbage-can or some screaming baby. You know, typical city sounds. Probably was a siren in the background, there always is. And dirt. Why are the bad parts of town so dirty? If I remember, there probably were about a third of the street lights out, but I wasn’t paying attention. Just imagine it as I paint a picture for you…
So dark, noisy, gunshots, babies crying, sirens, cats knocking things over. That’s what we’re working with. And yours truly, the still-unemployed and new-to-town superhero trying to figure out who shot at me. I wish I could turn invisible, that would make patrols easier for sure. Instead, I just nose-dived down to one of the windows in the warehouse, all Matrix-style. Dove right through it and rolled on the ground. I still had my force shield active, so wasn’t worried at all about glass or bricks in case I missed the window (I’ve done that before).
Wouldn’t you know it, the whole damn warehouse was empty. Not a soul. I’m not sure if there was some sort of Cone of Silence enabled on the building, now that I think of it I couldn’t hear the cats or sirens or anything. Maybe I need to pay more attention to my surroundings. I’m never going to be as good as Lady Magnificent if I’m careless like that. And it sure would be nice to meet her and get pointers, her and Millennium Man and Soldier One… Anyway…
So gunshots, trashy cats, me flying through windows. No one inside. I ran through the 3rd floor that I entered, down the stairs to the ground floor being sure to look around. I bet I was loud as a moose in a glass shop too. But nothing, nothing, nothing. Well, other than the huge bomb on the first floor. Did I forget to mention that?
Yeah, just like a 1960s cartoon, there was a big ol’ bomb timed and ready to go off on the city. It didn’t look like a nuclear weapon, it had these green bottles sticking out of it all over the place, and some wires. Definitely a bomb though. Countdown timer even, which was ticking down from about 10 minutes when I came across it.
So looking at the bomb, trying to figure out what to do… I figured I should just rip out some green junk and wires and smash it. Elegant, gets the job done, painless. Right before I get all smashy-smashy, I hear someone that definitely had the superhero tone down professionally scream “NOOOOOOOOOOOOO” behind me — remember this place was empty. A rock flew under my arm and hit the bomb directly to the side of the countdown clock. Sparks flew, sizzle sounds came out, and the bomb went dead.
“You are such a fucking idiot,” the voice behind me blurted out. Before I had a chance to turn around, I felt a bonk on my head. Saw stars, tried to turn around, and all I could see was the sole of a boot rushing toward my face. Not enough time to pop up a force shield, the jerk kicked me in the face and I can’t remember anything else.
I woke up this morning in some comfy bed at the furniture store by the Mall. Very cushy bed. Not sure why they’d drag me there and leave me, but that’s what seems to have happened. So whomeever else it was disarmed the bomb, got me out of the way, and was around to get all the damn credit for the whole thing!