My head hurts. It’s probably because I have a big imprint of a boot firmly planted clear on the right side of my face. Not like a sneaker, mind you. Work boots. You can see the fine details of the treading and traction. At least I didn’t get stomped on my nose, probably would have broken it in 80 pieces. And then what would I do, not having this money-maker in such fine condition? (I kid, under my mask I look like a moose with bad skin.)
Anyway, like I said, I woke up in a furniture store showroom after getting clocked in the noggin by someone’s rubber-soled clog. Splitting headache, and I was hoping to be productive today. I still need to find me a job, because super-heroing doesn’t pay the rent. I was hoping to look around and hopefully at least find something to pay bills, even if it’s sloshing coffee or gathering dirty dishes. Always easier to find a job when you have one, so the key is getting that first position. Superheroes have to eat too, you know. Well except for Summonstro, he can just summon his own food from whatever creepy smelly dimension he’s connected to.
So I dragged myself out of what was probably the most comfortable bed I’ve slept in for weeks — mine is completely crap compared to this one. It was getting close to opening time, and last thing someone wants to see when opening their store in the morning is some dude wearing tights and a mask roaming around the store. I’d most likely have at least one call to the cops put in about me, and don’t even want to know what they’d report I was doing.
The rest of my morning, I had nothing going on. So might as well do one of my favorite things. I feel bad for people that don’t have the ability to fly, it’s really awesome. Doug Adams pretty much had it right, flying is exactly throwing yourself at the ground and missing. So I missed the ground and launched myself into the air, and instantly forgot about the pounding sensation in my face.
I’ll say it again, being able to fly is awesome.
So of course, no good morning is uninterrupted if you’re a superhero. I was cruising over the park a second time when BLAM… sonic ray laser zaps me right in the chest. Those things sting. It wasn’t so high-powered to really injure me, but it burned a hole in my shirt and bonked me off course a little. I probably would have crashed into a tree if I were lower even.
I circled back around the park, and another ray blasted toward me. This one missed (barely) but I saw where it was coming from. So did my normal, popped a force field and barreled down toward the shooter. I’m not always stupid, sometimes I remember I can do that force field thing.
I’m not sure I really remember what the shooter yelled at me. “Traitor” and “Jerk” are par for the course, so I’m sure those were in the mix. Something about blah blah blah sucking all the air out of the room, looking for attention and being a media hound. So of course I do what any superhero would do. I fire off a force field ball in that direction.
Direct hit! Sometimes I’m good. I knocked the perpetrator to the ground. Time to go in for the kill. Or the stern talking-to, since good guys don’t kill.
I yanked off the mask, and flowing red hair accompanied by a big honkin’ nose COMPLETE WITH WART popped out. It was both pure awesome and totally disgusting, I bet it was fake.
“Beware the She-Troll,” she yelled. And blast it, she went to kick me in the face.
“You evil bitch,” I yelled at her. Ducking to avoid a second collision of my money maker and Army surplus footwear.
And that was that. I only looked away for a second. But when I spun my head around, the She-Troll was gone. Maybe she can turn invisible, to hide that nasty face. I still think it’s fake.