The Amazing Superblog

So I apologize in advance for not posting yesterday; I’m sure some of my multitude of fans wondered what happened when I got shot at by the Diablos.  That bullet just missed my head by maybe an inch, I was paying more attention to my phone than what was going on across the street.  But maybe one of my hidden super powers is mucho luck, I didn’t get hit or anything.  I’ll have to remember to check if “luck” is one of my powers, it’d be a good one to have here and there.

Anyway, so after the bullet whizzed by me and missed, I did what any responsible superhero blogger would do.  I published my post, then shoved my phone into my pocket and put up a force field.  Waste of time, there weren’t any other shots.  But I still felt better about it — I know everyone would.  I took off from my perch straight up, hoping whomever was taking pot-shots at me that they’d think I was scrambling away.  Which in a way was true, I wanted to get out of range.  And one of the awesome benefits of being able to fly, I can go up-up-up in the air, but most non-powered gang members can’t.  So I went up in the air out of range of gunshots, then sort of circled around to see if I could figure out the situation.

No luck there though (so maybe it’s not one of my powers).  It was dead quiet afterward, other than the typical cat-knocking-over-a-garbage-can or some screaming baby.  You know, typical city sounds.  Probably was a siren in the background, there always is.  And dirt.  Why are the bad parts of town so dirty?  If I remember, there probably were about a third of the street lights out, but I wasn’t paying attention.  Just imagine it as I paint a picture for you…

So dark, noisy, gunshots, babies crying, sirens, cats knocking things over.  That’s what we’re working with.  And yours truly, the still-unemployed and new-to-town superhero trying to figure out who shot at me.  I wish I could turn invisible, that would make patrols easier for sure.  Instead, I just nose-dived down to one of the windows in the warehouse, all Matrix-style.  Dove right through it and rolled on the ground.  I still had my force shield active, so wasn’t worried at all about glass or bricks in case I missed the window (I’ve done that before).

Wouldn’t you know it, the whole damn warehouse was empty.  Not a soul.  I’m not sure if there was some sort of Cone of Silence enabled on the building, now that I think of it I couldn’t hear the cats or sirens or anything.  Maybe I need to pay more attention to my surroundings.  I’m never going to be as good as Lady Magnificent if I’m careless like that.  And it sure would be nice to meet her and get pointers, her and Millennium Man and Soldier One… Anyway…

So gunshots, trashy cats, me flying through windows.  No one inside.  I ran through the 3rd floor that I entered, down the stairs to the ground floor being sure to look around.  I bet I was loud as a moose in a glass shop too.  But nothing, nothing, nothing.  Well, other than the huge bomb on the first floor.  Did I forget to mention that?

Yeah, just like a 1960s cartoon, there was a big ol’ bomb timed and ready to go off on the city.  It didn’t look like a nuclear weapon, it had these green bottles sticking out of it all over the place, and some wires.  Definitely a bomb though.  Countdown timer even, which was ticking down from about 10 minutes when I came across it.

So looking at the bomb, trying to figure out what to do… I figured I should just rip out some green junk and wires and smash it.  Elegant, gets the job done, painless.  Right before I get all smashy-smashy, I hear someone that definitely had the superhero tone down professionally scream “NOOOOOOOOOOOOO” behind me — remember this place was empty.  A rock flew under my arm and hit the bomb directly to the side of the countdown clock.  Sparks flew, sizzle sounds came out, and the bomb went dead.

“You are such a fucking idiot,” the voice behind me blurted out.  Before I had a chance to turn around, I felt a bonk on my head.  Saw stars, tried to turn around, and all I could see was the sole of a boot rushing toward my face.  Not enough time to pop up a force shield, the jerk kicked me in the face and I can’t remember anything else.

I woke up this morning in some comfy bed at the furniture store by the Mall.  Very cushy bed.  Not sure why they’d drag me there and leave me, but that’s what seems to have happened.  So whomeever else it was disarmed the bomb, got me out of the way, and was around to get all the damn credit for the whole thing!

OK, Diablos… Time to get serious. I’m getting pretty tired of your picking on me, so let’s just make it official. I’m out for you, and I hope you get this message.

For the rest of you who didn’t see it pretty much everywhere, last night the Diablos spray-painted some not-too-kind things about me all over the city. There were fliers all over downtown too. That, coupled with the TV broadcast from a few days ago, doesn’t make me a very happy blog.

Then again, I guess that’s good for the city. First, the Diablos are so stupid to go after someone as green as me in the city when there’s more powerful superheroes around. Second, if they’re putting all this attention into making me look stupid, well that’s less time they have to do bad things to the residents of Capitol City.

So I’m home for a little lunch right now. Been on the streets all morning looking for Diablos and some information as to why they have the hots for me right now. I mean, c’mon… the bomb threat was a big deal and probably lost them some clout with that international terrorist group, but hey, things mess up all the time, it can’t have been that big a deal as it’s ending up being. And if the Diablos want to make a scene in the city and get attention, there are much better ways than to go after someone who just moved here and really only knows one person here!

I found one group of Diablos over by the metro and of course they jumped me. Something about telling their boss they found me and they knew where to go. Whatever, I took them down fast enough, they won’t be telling anyone where I’m at from inside a jail cell.

So I’ll hit the streets after a little lunch, unless I’m feeling either lazy or the need to find a job. I’ve submitted a few resumes and the like. I’m sure you can tell from the blog that I do web site stuff, not really a surprise. So that’s along the lines of what I’m looking for, maybe freelance stuff. If anyone has a project, feel free to email me!

What a waste of a day. Actually I got a lot done, but it’s one of those days I don’t feel like I accomplished anything. That’s the life of a superhero though, you’re actually living two lives at the same time — the superhero and the alter ego. Today was more of an alter-ego day, but not exclusively so.

Just in case you’re wondering who Superblog is in real life, I’ve given a couple hints on here before. Yes, I just moved to Capitol City recently, about two weeks ago. No, I don’t have a job yet. I have a very nice apartment in this fun part of town with lots of bars and theaters and museums and the baseball stadium isn’t too far from here even for the Capitol City Senators. I don’t have any pets, the friends in Capitol City are slim to none currently — actually other than people I’ve met as Superblog, I really just know the mailman and said hi to some guy that lives down the hall from me when I was moving in.

(Actually I was pretty lucky when I was moving in and the guy saw me. I was carrying 14 boxes of books all at once; I don’t want to waste time when moving, it’s so boring. I heard someone close their door right as I got to the top of the stairs — no elevator, I’m on the 3rd floor — and managed to find somewhere quick to stash a dozen of the boxes on the floor so he just thought I was stacking them up or something I think.)

Anyway, the social life is quiet, the career is non-existant at the moment, and I really don’t care all too much. I didn’t move to Capitol City from home to work at some flashy magazine or do political work. I came because I heard there’s a lot of super-evil here to fight, and not all that many superheroes to do the job. Figured if I could help out, I might as well.

OK, I’m getting off on a soap box here. The essentials to my life are: no job, nice apartment, no friends. So no, if you see someone walking down the street and you think they’re me, you’re probably wrong. I don’t get out much without the costume on.

So that’s that… Superhero-wise things were little more than the same as sending out a few resumes. That damn video of “”me”” getting beat up by the Diablos played for about 12 hours before the cable people could get into their main offices and shut it down. By then, the local news networks got a copy of it and featured it on the news. I heard even the networks for one or two has a copy of the feed and might play it this week. I’m in town for less than a month and already making national news? Too bad I don’t have any really great superpowers like freeze-rays or toxic breath.

I made a call to the reporter last night that lemailed me. Of course she’s not picking up her phone, I just left a message for her. I’ll have to ask Mr. O’Connor about her, she either got my email address from the blog or from him. And since he’s lived in town for a lot longer than me, he’d at least be able to get some information about her.

Of course, you’re wondering if I beat anyone up today. Nah, I did put on the costume (I actually have three so I can rotate them in the wash, bought them at K-Mart back home, it’s just a t-shirt and jeans) and patrolled for a little bit, but since I didn’t see anyone out and about I just decided to come home and watch some bad movies on TV. That happens every so often though, if I were putting away criminals every night of the week soon enough the city would be empty, they’d all be in jail.

So all is quiet on the Capitol City front. Good for the common man. Probably just as good for supervillans. I’m going to go hang out on the balcony before the sun sets.